it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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