i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize