Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
