I'm jealous of your bromance
Its about making memories worth repressing
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
