Screwed.edu
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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