I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
