i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
