yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize