you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
