Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
