Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
