My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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