So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
