he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
