Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
