my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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