how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
