Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Randomize
