He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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