my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
