I queefed so loud it echoed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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