don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
