It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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