i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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