Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
