Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Randomize
