Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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