When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
