So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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