Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
