then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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