I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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