so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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