U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
