Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
