we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
