you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
