forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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