Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Houston, we have a squirter
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
