I hope mine doesn't look like that
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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