matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
