May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
