you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize