just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
