Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
