ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
