I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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