he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
