Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
