Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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