I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
