3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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