1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
