Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
