shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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