My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
