i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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