awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize