The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
