...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
