My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
