My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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