Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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