i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
