I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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