just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
