The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I love you.
Bad choice
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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