At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I have vodka in my lungs
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So much rum. So many feels.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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