he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
