Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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