You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
