He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize