Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
