She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
